Dec 15th 2020 Advent Calendar
Batman is contentedly eating a meal while over his shoulder a stern-looking military figure looks on approvingly as the Dark Knight considers the Man of Steel's folly--
A burly, bare-chested thug watches proceedings. You don't want to argue with this guy--
And Superman, defeated, is in chains--
Today's Advent Calendar picture is from the front cover of WORLD'S FINEST #193. It's an intriguing cover by Curt Swan and Murph Anderson, titled THE BREAKING OF BATMAN AND SUPERMAN. One of the things I love about this cover is the singular sight of the caped crusader, sitting at a tiny table coolly consuming a meal while his Kryptonian pal stands head bowed in chains before him. And Batman doesn't seem to be faking it either, because his thoughts reveal that he thinks Superman to be "a fool" for not agreeing to defect to the country of the monocled military bad-guy holding the pair captive--
In its early days WORLD'S FINEST seemed to be presenting itself as quite a jolly, buddy-buddy title, Batman and Superman, together with Robin, regularly depicted having innocent boyish fun together-- playing tug-of-war, going fishing, skiing, playing tennis and occasionally playing harmless jokes on each other.
After a decade or so of this kind of japery, they were usually seen in more perilous situations, often even fighting against each other, especially when Robin's not around to be the adult in the room and split them up.
But the reason I'm so taken by the image from WF #194, is because of something I've noticed about Batman when I've been researching covers for this Advent Calendar series. And it's this-- sometimes Batman can be a bit of an arsehole. At least that's what we'd call him in the UK-- in the US he's an asshole. Or if that offends you- an a**hole.
I mean the following famous cover from BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS says it all really, doesn't it? He's the only member of the Justice League that I'm aware of who doesn't have any actual powers apart from a millionaire's privileged lifestyle and a propensity to wear his underwear on the outside. If those are his special abilites I'm surprised Donald Trump isn't eligible for superhero status. No, the Dark Knight should be grateful that the others haven't told him to take a hike long ago. Who the hell is he to call them "two-bit"?
Or equally notorious is this time he threw a hissy-fit with the Boy Wonder for having the temerity to point out to him that his predilection for chasing the ladies had cast doubt on his decision-making. The passive aggressive use of the word "chum" is what really hurts here. And yes, as I'd expect, Robin's proving himself the more mature of the pair.
And we all know he's got form in this department too. I mean look at this cover from way back-- I'd say you shouldn't take on the role of Gotham's protector if you're going to go all gooey-eyed over the first girl to flash you a bit of her lower leg. Besides which, shouldn't you be admonishing her for wearing real fur? Have you no principles Mr Wayne?
Or then there's this inglorious moment in the Dark Knight's career, where he's written a suicide note addressed to the three people he knows are going to feel the most guilty about his death. I mean, that letter's a model of self-pity, especially that bit about 'all those near and dear to me'- he might as well have added 'but none of you care about me, do you?' And he should know that whoever finds him with his brains on the outside of his head is going to be traumatised for life. The fact that he didn't carry it through tells you all you need to know about this guy's melodramatic acts of attention-seeking.
He seems to have a special place in his disdain for Superman. Despite being labelled 'An imaginary novel', this next cover sees Batman acting in an unforgiveable way while Superman's retains his dignity. I mean, a Krytonite Batarang is pretty below the belt, but his desire for "sweet revenge" reveals just how base he really is. Even George Lucas realised revenge was an ignoble motive for a hero, and that was at the time he was foisting the Ewoks on his unsuspecting fanbase.
And look at the cowled crime-fighter here, with his aggressive body language, unboxing a Kryptonite funeral wreath mere inches from his former tennis buddy. And this a mere month after he'd munched his way through that hearty meal while inwardly deriding his starving pal for not selling out to America's enemies. I'm surprised Superman ever worked with him again.
And Zimbardo would have a field day with this one-- look at the way the caped crusader's attached those jangling jailer's keys to his utility belt to taunt the convicts now that he gets to be the warden. Or how he's gleefully zapping poor Supes and making him spill his bread and water within his prison cell. I'm pretty sure if this role-play were reversed Batman would be getting the royal treatment from the Man of Steel.
Then there's this next cover which again shows just how thoughtless the Dark Knight can be. Without warning his long-suffering sidekick, he's turned himself into a "human 'fish'". And you can bet a dime to a dollar he's going to expect Robin to clean out his tank and feed him his spirulina. Just how in the name of all that's holy does he seriously think he's going to be able to fight crime stuck in that tank? And will he be happy to hand over the keys of the Batmobile to the Boy Wonder? Because there's no way that tank will fit in the driver's seat, not with the steering wheel in the way. He really hasn't thought this one out has he?
And just what does this next cover tell us about him? I know that in the movies he's always changing his outfit, but I'd imagine it's to improve its toughness or versatility. But the ridiculous selection he's made for himself here reveal just how vain he is. Again, you have to wonder about the integrity and dedication of a man who claims to be focused on eradicating crime when he's hung up on the prospect of the Penguin or the Joker thinking he's the sort of guy who wouldn't be seen publicly in the same outfit twice. And, let's be honest here-- we all know Robin's just being diplomatic when he describes tonight's choice as "red", don't we?
Or just look how irresponsible he's being here-- ok, so he's somehow got himself transformed into 'the Batman Creature', (more tinkering in his lab with things he doesn't fully understand, no doubt) but is that any excuse to go larking about at the top of a skyscraper? And who does he expect to save his skin once again? Why Robin, of course. Which only confirms quite how selfish he's being-- Do you really think those jet pilots are going to be able to stop him without rendering the Boy Wonder being a victim of friendly fire?
But in all serious surely the Guardian of Gotham's most ridiculous stunt must have been the time he took to wearing a kilt instead of his usual tights. Despite the fact this is surely an insult to the people of Bonnie Scotland, that garment is in no way going to behave in the same way as his regular lower body clothing. And as anyone who has seen CARRY ON UP THE KHYBER knows, the correct thing to wear beneath a kilt is precisely nothing. So, the artist is deceiving us here, surely?-- it's like there's a conspiracy with the Masked Detective to fool the readership into giving this new garb the thumbs up before we realise fully what we'd be letting ourselves in for. Besides which, we all know that if this was Supergirl swooping down on a length of rope, her micro skirt would be drawn flapping involuntarily upwards to offer a tantalising glimpse of her frillies. In reality, Batman's kilt would be up round his waist and you wouldn't need to be any kind of Detective to deduce exactly what he's got under it.
So what do you think? How best to describe Batman as seen on the covers here?-- the Caped Crusader? The Dark Knight? The World's Finest Detective? Come on, who's with me when I say that much of the time he can be a bit of an arsehole? Or if you're in the US, an asshole. Or possibly a dickhead.
For Day 14 of this Advent calendar, click here--
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